What Is Natural Parenting Anyway?

So I've been thinking a lot about parenting styles and philosophies ever since I became a parent. I think I had ideas about how things would go before I had Evie, but I didn't realize quite how much there was to consider.  Everything from products and clothing to discipline, feeding, and schooling are just a few of the areas in which parents must decide how they want to do things.  I've always been a little more on the liberal side (okay, maybe a lot in recent years), so that has surely informed some of my views.  My background is in Women's Studies and Cultural Anthropology, so you can bet those things have also helped shape my parenting.

For fun, I thought I'd look back on some of our decisions as they pertain to "natural" parenting.  Some of these things I think are really important and some are easier to poke fun at.  I don't necessarily think these are the best approaches for everyone, but they were/are good ideas to us and they have also been doable (some are not very doable at all for many people).  Here are some of the main areas in which we tried to adhere to more natural ways of parenting and my opinion on how I think it's worked out.  

Childbirth

My trusty Bradley Method binder.

When I was pregnant with Evie, Gabe and I took an intensive childbirth education class called the Bradley Method, which emphasized being well educated about the labor process and options for delivery (and it does focus on natural, unmedicated births but prepares you for all scenarios).  I wanted badly to have a wonderful, natural birth with Evie, but I ended up being induced and having an epidural because I just couldn't handle the pain after a long, undesirable beginning to my labor.  There's more to that story here, but suffice it to say, I was a little upset that I didn't get the "natural" experience I wanted.  With Eleanora, on the other hand, I did have a natural, unmedicated birth, and it was very redemptive because I worked hard for it.  So now that I've experienced both, was it worth the pain and effort to have the natural birth?  I can only say that I am so happy that I got to experience it because I really wanted to see how it felt the whole way through, since, for most of our history, that is what women have felt, and I'd only have so many chances to experience it.  It wasn't so much of a warrior thing as a curiosity thing.  I will say, though, that it felt great to know that I didn't have any medication or substances in me that I had to worry about even a little bit.  But it takes so much mental preparation and support to birth this way and it is definitely at odds with popular treatment of labor and delivery today.  I understand why so many women choose pain relief, but I just wish everyone could be more fully aware of the options and have true support and honest guidance.  Ideally, I think there should be birth centers staffed by midwives in or near hospitals and the labor and delivery sections should be reserved for high risk or surgical deliveries.  I'm thrilled that I was able to do an unmedicated birth because of the psychological and emotional empowerment and because the period immediately after birth was easier, but I don't think there was necessarily a different impact on the girls.  If I had to do it over again, I would definitely try for a natural birth again, but I don't think I'd be too upset to have to get an epidural because it would only be because I felt it was necessary.

Breastfeeding

This was something I didn't understand very well until I took the Bradley Method class.  There was so much information about all of the physical, health, financial, and even emotional benefits to breastfeeding that I was hooked immediately and even sold on long-term breastfeeding past a year.  I also had my older sister and a close friend who were doing long-term breastfeeding as well, so I had some good examples to follow.  This was one of the easier decisions to make because it was something that naturally happens with your body after giving birth, and it would take effort to stop it.  Aside from that, I was very happy and enthusiastic about exclusive breastfeeding, and although I had some challenges along the way with both girls (my breastfeeding journey with Evie is here and here), it was by far one of the best experiences of motherhood, at least for me.  I've never had to worry about having products on hand to feed them, haven't had to pay for anything besides small accessories (a pump was gifted to us by a generous friend for our shower), it has helped me lose weight a little faster, it has helped my girls' immune systems, and it has been one of the most intimate and serene times I have spent with my babies.  Although I stay home now, with Evie I had flexibility with my job (which I quit shortly after she was born) and I was in grad school part-time, so I didn't have the same challenges that moms who work full-time outside the home have.  And when I was away, I was able to pump just fine most of the time (although there were many times I had to do it in the bathroom or car).  But this is one aspect of natural parenting where I don't feel bad saying that it should be encouraged more.  I think there are many strides being made in public health to promote breastfeeding and hold hospitals accountable for having more breastfeeding-friendly policies, but there is still a long way to go.  Obviously, there are certain situations in which a mother can't breastfeed (adoption, needing to be on certain medications, having certain jobs), but I have hopes that our society can regain the perspective that one of the natural (and main) purposes of breasts is to feed babies/children, not just to be seen as sexual objects. You could say that both perspectives are "natural," but it's unhealthy when one has completely taken over the other.

Cloth Diapers and Wipes

Part of our diaper stash and some cloth wipes.

Cloth diapers was also something that we learned about in our Bradley Method class, and we were fortunate to have a local woman who sells them come to our class to tell us about them and show us the different types.  This was a bit of a scary jump for us because, at first it seemed a little gross (as I'm sure many people think) and like a lot of work, but we decided to go for it.  Now, they are not cheap by any means, but the long-term savings are significant.  I think we paid around $600-$700 for our diapers and accessories when all was said and done, and we used them with Evie from 6 weeks until she was 22 months, and we are using the same diapers with Eleanora, who started at 4 weeks.  (A rough estimate for disposables is about $1,500 per child for the same amount of time, just for diapers).  So we're getting roughly 4 years of use out of our diapers with only the big up-front expense.  We added cloth wipes to the mix with Eleanora since they get washed right along with the diapers and it's barely any more work.  We do have to use a certain detergent with them (which you can also use with regular clothes), but that cost is still minimal.  And I felt much better about having cloth diaper fabric on the girls, especially if they had diaper rashes (Evie hardly had them, and Eleanora has yet to have one).  And yes, we usually bring them on vacations with us, as long as we're staying somewhere with a washing machine and the people don't mind us using them for diapers (nobody has so far).  The environmental benefit is probably one of the greatest benefits, but the contradictory part to that is that you have to use a lot of water to wash them.  You have to do a rinse cycle, then a full wash/rinse cycle with hot water, and then another rinse cycle for each load.  In the beginning you do this every day or at minimum every other day.  So that part is not great for the environment.  But for us, it was totally worth it and we'd do it again.  But there are many reasons that this would not work out for some families - the up front cost can be impossible along with everything else that is needed for a baby, many day cares won't accept cloth diapers (yet), and they take a lot of time to constantly wash and fold.  And we didn't even use diapers that were totally natural fibers, so some people in the natural parenting circles would say we're doing it wrong or that we're hypocrites!  Although we do basic recycling and use hand-me-downs and sometimes shop at thrift stores or consignment shops, we don't always have such an eye out for reducing our waste, so I'm kind of proud that we did this.

Baby Wearing

Eleanora enjoying a ride in my new ring sling.

The bottom of my sling, depicting baby wearing from around the world.

Once again, we learned a lot about different styles of baby carriers through our Bradley class.   Also, when I was pregnant with Evie, some baby carriers were becoming popular, like the Baby Bjorn and Moby wrap, and I was naturally curious about them.  My older sister, Catie told me said she liked her ring sling, so I started looking into all of them.  I realized I was becoming oriented towards Attachment Parenting, which emphasizes physically being close to your babies through carrying, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and responding quickly and fully to their needs.  At the time I thought I would want to have only limited use of a stroller since it created more distance and having babies constantly in infant seats and strollers could lead to "flat head syndrome" (at least, that was the fear).  Plus, I knew I was going to love Evie to death and want to bond with her as much as I could (partly because she was my first baby after two miscarriages).  So I ended up with a Moby wrap, an Ergo soft-structured carrier, now three ring slings, and a mei tai wrap that I found at a garage sale.  While I think there are great times and uses for all of them, the ring slings are my favorite, and I used them with Evie from about 3 months to 15 months (until she didn't like them any more).  You can nurse in them (although I rarely do that), and the "tail" of the fabric can be used as a cover for nursing, sun, or rain, it can be wrapped around for extra warmth, and it can clean up spit up and snot.  I've already been using it with Eleanora, and she likes it a lot of the time, and then just tolerates it sometimes.  But I don't know what else I would do with two kids - one needs to be secured to me somehow.  We have a double stroller, but Eleanora is finicky about that, too.  One of the arguments for carriers like this is that many women in indigenous societies use these all throughout the day because they don't have a choice but to have their kids with them while they work.  Of course, I have a choice, but I still really love these.  I do alternate with the stroller though, but it's much easier to only tote around a piece of fabric rather than a big stroller.  All in all, I wouldn't want to be without my sling, and even though it's technically more "natural" than a stroller, I don't think there's anything wrong with strollers and I use them probably at least as much as my slings.

So, there you have it.  My take on just some of the ways we've leaned the "natural" way. I didn't get into some other things like baby led weaning, vaccines, toys, and education, but I'm working really hard to keep my posts shorter!  As you can see, I haven't regretted any of our decisions, and I would do all of them again.  But I don't think we can say we do them all to make some kind of moral statement about how natural is better; I don't always think it is.  Some of the things we do are more for convenience or health reasons.  I also don't necessarily agree with all parts of attachment parenting, or at least the way I've seen it practiced.  "Natural" can be arbitrary, and the standards by which natural practices are judged can depend a lot on historical period, if referencing history, and geographical location and social systems if referencing "other cultures".  In general, and with a focus on our society and modern times, I like the idea of less material waste, less product-dependency, and less unnecessary intervention. 

So, do we really do natural parenting? Some people would say our choices are extreme and unnecessary and others would say we're just skimming the surface.  For now I'm just happy to be thoughtful and practical and explore different options that work for us.