To Eleanora on Your 9th Birthday

[photos to come] Dear Eleanora, I think this year marks the point when you really start moving into your independence more clearly. On the one hand you’re embracing this and already see yourself as a teenager, while on the other, it’s hard to let go of all that was symbolized by younger childhood – carefree days, doting attention from adults, and perhaps less depth of serious feelings. Your awareness of the world is growing, and you seem to feel the gamut of human emotion with more acuity than when you were little. I think there will still be some settling to do around this over the next few years, but really, you’re learning to embrace what a lot of adults still have yet to—that life can feel messy and complex, when we want it to feel easy and light. The moment we’re in highlights this junction perfectly. It is, in fact, your birthday today, and Papa and I are going to DC so that he can do a liver transplant with Tito Pete. It was very hard for us to leave, and you didn’t want to let us go. But you were so brave this morning and did your part to help everyone, and eventually said goodbye. I know you will be okay with sissie and Tita Lee, and I have no doubt you’ll be the one making them smile or laugh at some point each day, as you’ve been apt to do since you were a baby. Your sparkling personality is noticed by all, and I regularly hear about how wonderful you are from your teachers at school and dance. Mrs. Jones said that you bring so much light to her class and that you’re the one that listens and then brings everyone’s ideas together with your own. I’m not surprised at this one bit; you’ve always had an astute awareness of other people’s words and expressions. You read between the lines and you know when someone doesn’t mean what they say or may be feeling something different than they’re expressing. You cracked me up the other day when you told me you mimicked my series of “listening” faces when you were listening to Dr. Anton provide a lengthy discussion of nutrition to you (nod, raise your eye brows, tilt your head, nod, and then say something). You also catch people in polite lies when their voices are a little too high pitched to be authentic, like when someone says they like something they actually don’t. There’s no getting by you! You have taken on a robust dance schedule this year, including competition team. You were also moved up a level, which was unexpected, though not surprising. You so clearly thrived towards the end of last year and in your summer dance classes and you stood out as someone who fully conquered her level and needed more of a challenge. You were so persistent with learning your aerial for your recital in the spring. I think you must have done it 500 times in the yard, and you tried all different strategies to learn it, like stacking the mats up and doing it off of there (which I didn’t love, but you proved me wrong!). You 100% nailed it just in time for your recital and went out and confidently did it for the show. And it did not go unnoticed by others. You were so fortunate to have Grandma, Grandpa, and the Walters all come to see you during your recital. You were asked to join the advanced acro team this year, and you’re one of the youngest, if not the youngest on the team. You’re also on the jazz and lyrical teams and in the musical theater production. You’re taking tap for the first time too, and you somehow also seem to be a natural at that. This is a whirlwind of dance activity, and I’m still not 100% settled about how intense it is, but I’m trying to let you and sissie lead the way, and you are still driven to do it all. You balance this out with pretty rich chill time at home. I think your favorite moments are putting on a Netflix show and fixing a grand snack. Lately you have become known for your guacamole making skills. I lost count of how many batches you’ve made over the past several weeks, but with Papa as your eating companion, the two of you keep it coming. We went to Grandma and Mr. Brian’s house a week ago to escape what we thought was a big hurricane coming straight for us, Hurricane Ian. Of course, it didn’t, but we got to spend a week away at Grandma’s, and you had no school. We brought a bunch of water and snacks, and Papa got about 15 avocados! You kept us happy with hurricane-time guacamole. You manage to stay on top of your school work really well, all on your own. You attack your homework and just get it done. Your brain works fast, and while the homework isn’t all that challenging for you, it is clear that you’re constantly engaging with the new ideas you learn about in school (and out of school). You still do especially well with math, and I always attribute this to your time in Montessori with Ms. Reka, when she had to keep giving you more and more math work because you just devoured it. You started to learn cursive on your own and could manage to get a few words together here and there. You have been interested in typing lately, and you love to challenge yourself on the app you use to see how fast you can go without looking at the keys. One unfortunate bi-product of our busy dance schedule is that we’ve had to put music on hold for now. We could technically still squeeze it in for you, but it has sometimes been a bit of a bear getting you to dance classes when you’re not 100% motivated, especially when it starts with ballet, which isn’t your favorite. So I think we’ll need to wait until we somehow have more space before going back to music, but I definitely don’t consider that a closed chapter. You still love Ms. Kelsey and even though you don’t play much ukulele right now, I can see you still love listening to music, studying it in your own way, and singing along (Kelly Clarkson is your favorite right now), and I think some day you’ll be ready for a grand return. At your core, you’re still a family girl, through and through. You look forward to any time you get to have with any family, and you soak it all in when you’re with them. We were able to visit cousins in North Carolina for the first time over Spring Break, and you were in heaven. You spent the night at each others’ houses and watched Encanto and made up silly songs and sayings and laughed and played and forgot about any sense of time or obligation. We’ve been able to go to Grandma’s a few times this past year, and you’re so happy to just hang out with nothing in particular to do, except perhaps hang out in the little pool for as many hours as we’ll allow. And of course, on a weekly basis you so look forward to seeing Tita Lee for her Saturday evening visits. We have some upcoming trips again where we’ll see family in Ohio and then have another trip to North Carolina for Thanksgiving, so I think your heart will be content. So far, you’re still not too big for the classic Eleanora wraparound hugs you bless me with. Your warm embrace fills my heart each time cheers me up when I need it. For the times when it’s hard to say your feelings out loud, this speaks volumes. Though one thing we have noticed lately is you being more aware of the times it is important to say something like, “I’m sorry,” or “thank you,” and many times these might come a little while after whatever event prompted them, but it is so sincere when you choose to say these words, and Papa and I really appreciate that about you. This is your last single-digit year, and we are so eager to see how you embrace it. I love you more than I can ever express, and I wish you the happiest of birthdays! Love, Mama