To Eleanora on Your 5th Birthday

Dear Eleanora,

Walking around the sun five times at your
birthday ceremony at school.

You are five whole years old! It sounds so small, but your part in our days and our world is so big. You have charmed us from the beginning, and you are a much needed spark of personality in our otherwise fairly composed little family. But you are much more than that too; you have more complexity to you than even we realize sometimes.

You have deep emotions, and you let them all surface. I admire this about you. Even if I don't react the best way to you showing all these emotions, I am grateful that you're able to do this "clearing," allowing feelings to emerge without the instinct to block them. Sometimes many of your feelings come out looking like anger or frustration, but I've learned to spot the little distinctions that might help me identify them as shame, fear, or fatigue. Because you are powerful in how you show your feelings, it can be easy to want to calm you down or even walk away from you, but that always makes it worse. I am slowly learning that the best way to respond to you is through silliness or play. After all, you thrive on engagement and connection, and when you don't feel these things, you resist (or whine or cry emphatically). I think it is your worst fear, to lose connection with someone you love. I am trying find playful ways to respond to these intense times, like saying, "uh oh, here comes RESISTINATOR," when you start telling me you're not going to do anything I say. Somehow, this seems to draw you back in.

You also have recently begun showing your adamant disapproval when I try to show affection to Evie. You love to snuggle on my lap and be held and give big hugs and kisses, but if Evie does these things and you see, you cry and yell and come over and try to take her off of me and climb up on my lap. You have a visceral response to her getting affection, for some reason. Of course, I won't stop giving it to her, but it usually means I end up giving you double, and everyone seems okay with that. Evie is also learning about your personality and feelings, and she has mostly been very patient and understanding of the fact that both of you have different needs and responses.

Sharing some of those contagious laughs.

I think what lightens the intensity of emotions up for all of us is that it's never long before you have switched gears and are cracking all of us up. It doesn't take much - you toss your head with sass, or mix up some phrase, or do a silly dance, and we are all laughing heartily. You have always had the ability to make people forget there woes and just look at you and smile or laugh. This has been true since you were a baby. You naturally bring joy to those around you, and that is such a gift. Your humor is contagious, and you seem to know when it gets too serious around our house.

You have about 20 versions of this same painting, and I love them all!

To add to your repertoire of talents, you are quite the scholar! You are only in pre-k, and you are reading and doing math. I recently went to a parent/teacher conference, and your teachers absolutely gushed about you. You are engaged in your work, and you are continuously ready to learn new things. You are always asking us to quiz you on spelling or addition, or more recently, multiplication. You do not separate school and home - you make connections between what you learn about in the classroom and what you do every day. Despite all of this, you're not exactly a bookworm. You hardly ever choose to just read on your own, because what's the point if someone isn't doing it with you? That pretty much sums up your attitude towards life. Although, on the nights when you are up for a while because you napped at school and are not tired in the evening, you will often get up and do a multitude of things by yourself - paint, do activity books, do puzzles, or sometimes even read. But that is probably because you know you're lucky to be up and Mama and Papa have other things to do.

Your run with dance is over for now, but
you were a natural at it.

You have a few close friends in school, though you are social with everyone. You also just started gymnastics this year, after also taking ice skating lessons earlier in the year and finishing dance lessons with a beautiful spring recital. You seem to love gymnastics so far, but I think at this point you would do anything Evie did and love it. But I think what you love most are things that are a little more freeing, like our bike rides after dinner. Lately we've been riding to the neighborhood park after dinner and playing until the sun sets. You have even begun taking turns with Evie for the "leader" position, and you are getting used to looking out for traffic and protecting those of us behind you. This part needs a little work, but we'll get there. You love to swing high enough to almost touch the sky, and you still play "ice cream shop" at the little playground window. You don't like to come home when it's time, but I don't blame you.

Even though this time feels a bit intense right now, especially with bed time struggles and general resistance, I wouldn't trade it for anything, because it is part of the package that is our Eleanora. You are uniquely you, and you make us better by showing us other ways to be, feel, and see. I love you more than "infidian," as you would say, and I can't wait to see what this year brings for you.