A Day in the Life

I was re-reading some of my old posts and came across one that described my daily routine with Evie at around the same age that Eleanora is now.  I thought that time was just as hard with Evie as it is with Eleanora, but when I read it, it seemed pretty rosy.  Then I felt bad.  For myself as a parent and for Eleanora.  Of course, things are obviously very different now with two kids, but it's hard not to compare one child to the other.  But then there are things about Eleanora that are easier than they were with Evie, so there you go.  Here is a very rough overview of our general daily routine, with Eleanora at 3.5 months and Evie at almost 3 years old.

We usually wake up in the morning around 7ish, and Evie is sometimes in our bed after coming in around 5 or 6, although this is happening less and less now.  Usually Gabe gets up and showers first and then takes Evie to get dressed and start getting breakfast ready.  I drag myself out of bed and try to shower and dress before Eleanora wakes up, which has been around 7:30 lately.  I try to nurse her right when she wakes up; otherwise she gets all smiley and excited for the day and may distract herself out of her morning nursing session (which is okay because  she usually wakes up twice overnight to nurse).  Gabe is usually about ready to leave by the time I'm done feeding Eleanora, and Evie is already at the table eating breakfast.  I always feel rushed at this point and I get a last-minute jolt of angst because this is really the point of departure - the point at which I am truly on my own for the next 10+ hours.  But I try to suck it up and smile, kiss him goodbye, and wish him a good day.  Some days it's more convincing than others.

Eleanora is usually content to sit in her bouncy seat for a little bit and smile at us while we finish breakfast, and then when she gets restless I move her to her floor mat and let her lay down and move around. She has been very wiggly lately and she has rolled a couple times each way (back to front and front to back) so far.   She often lays on her back and grabs both her feet in "happy baby" pose and rocks side to side, usually ending up on one side and almost rolling over.  She sometimes shows interest in the toys around her and will occasionally grab onto them and fling them around.  If she gets restless on her back, I flip her over to her belly and she usually really likes it and stays that way arching up, doing "swimming" motions, and looking around for almost 10 minutes. It's pretty cute to see her laying there propped up on her elbows, casually kicking her feet up and down like a teenage girl on her bed.

If things are going really well and we've got a good 15 minutes before we have to leave for school then I'll actually take the time to blow dry my hair, but that's been a pretty rare occurrence lately.  I usually spend about 10 minutes trying to get Evie to put her shoes and socks on, and for some reason it takes another 5-10 minutes just to get everyone in the car, so I have to budget time for that.  She also drags her feet a lot, even if I give her plenty of announcements telling her we're leaving soon.  But I sort of just pick up Eleanora and get all the things I need and start heading for the door and she eventually follows.

Eleanora has gotten much better in the car in terms of crying; now she is usually content and does lots of "oohs" and "aahs" and often just falls asleep on the way to school, but she has recently been staying awake almost the whole time.  This is good because if she takes even a 5-minute cat nap in the car then she won't transfer into her crib and basically will skip that nap, no matter what I try (and I've tried it all!).  It's infuriating.  Anyways, I drop Evie off at the front of her small school and one of her teachers walks her in.

I rush home to try to get there before Eleanora falls asleep in the car so that I can try to put her down for a real nap.  I try to talk to her in the car and reach back and touch her to keep her awake, but that is probably weird for her because she can't see me.  Even if she does stay awake, I bring her inside thinking she'll go down quickly because she's so tired, but it's like she re-awakens and fights me on it for so long.  I walk and bounce with her and pat her back and have the lights turned out, and she just can't seem to completely let go sometimes until we've done that.  I'll eventually put her down in the crib where she'll inevitably cry, at which point I'll pick her up again and do it all again.  I've tried letting her fuss through it a little, but that has only worked once; all the other times she just gets too upset.  I've tried patting her belly and doing shushes while also stroking the bridge of her nose (to get her eyes to close), but that never quite works all the way.  She'll eventually either gives in to me walking her or she'll nurse and fall asleep (but I try to avoid that because I'd rather do it when she wakes up).  Then she'll sleep for 30 minutes on the dot, and I usually can't get her to stay down after that unless it's the afternoon and she's so tired from not napping well all day (and then she'll pretty much be down for around 3 hours, which is great!).  I am very stubborn about naps, though, and I am committed to working really hard to help her to nap better (for her sake and mine). I get pretty exhausted with all my efforts, though, and sometimes I should probably just let it go and admit defeat.   The worst is when I'm walking her down and I think she's completely out, and I lay her down and her eyes pop open and she gives me a huge, wide-mouthed grin.  I want to cry and smile back at her at the same time.  She knows her smile is her only defense.

For the rest of our morning, we usually go on a walk in the stroller around the neighborhood or run an errand.  When she's in her stroller, her seat faces me, and almost every time I look at her she's smiling back at me.  I really still can't believe how much she smiles, but I love it so much!  I usually put her in my sling when we run errands so that I don't have to deal with equipment, and she seems to like being my little joey.  She just looks around and sucks and slobbers all over her little hand, and if we walk long enough she'll fall asleep.  

At some point we play a little more on her play mat and I do little games like peek-a-boo with a blanket or "this little piggy" or something like that.  I don't play with her as much as I did with Evie, partly because I realize I don't need to "entertain" her like I did with Evie, but also because I have less free time.  And I think she's okay with that.

Then we go pick Evie up from school, at which point Eleanora takes a cat nap in the car.  I talk with Evie about her day and sometimes have to guess to understand some strange things she says (that usually make more sense after talking to a teacher).  Sometimes I'll hear new phrases she's working on, like yesterday when she kept saying, "it doesn't matter."  And she kept saying it with more meaning and with stronger intonations, as if practicing for some future act of defiance.  Oh well.  She probably got it from me.

This next part is one of the hardest parts of my new routine to accept because it used to be my break time when Evie would nap.  But now Eleanora is always awake during this time and Evie has started not napping some days.  After being really consistent about putting her back to bed each time she would get up for several weeks (because you never know when it's a phase), I finally decided to just do quiet time.  We don't keep toys in her room so I've been having her pick one quiet thing to play with.  Most days she still falls asleep after 20 minutes to an hour after playing.  I think she definitely still needs it, so I hope it continues to be simple like this for a while longer.

At this point, it's 12:30 and my body and mind still seem to be programmed to want to rest or nap, because it's a struggle for me to just play with Eleanora for up to 2 hours straight.  I also feel like I have to stay in my room (which is where she sleeps anyways) because I don't want to be out in the play room being loud or doing something that Evie wants to do (if she were to pop out if her room and see us).  She is not usually content to just be on her own much during this time, so I do several things, including playing with her, putting her in the floor for a few minutes, walking around with her while I watch a show on my phone, holding her and doing exercises, and changing and nursing her at some point. Usually, I get her down right when Evie gets up and I'm so exhausted.  But I've learned how important it is for me to give focuses time to Evie, because when she doesn't feel connected she acts out.

I try to find projects and fun things to do, but more and more she just wants to lead her imaginary play and have me go along with it.  I know this is an important developmental place for her right now, but for some reason it is just hard for me to want to play doctor or baby or "go to the zoo" or "do dance class" for very long.  But this is the world she is exploring right now, and the best way for her to feel connected, so I make a genuine effort to do it with her when she requests it.  I do still believe in boundaries though, so sometimes I will say I need a little break or I need to do some work of my own.  We're still working all of this out and it will keep changing as our routine with Eleanora changes.

After Eleanora wakes up for good, it is anywhere between 4-5pm, and it can still feel like an eternity before Gabe gets home.  If I just need to get out of the house then we'll go on an errand to Target or the mall or something or I'll take them on a walk in our double stroller.  We used to have a lot of play dates, but with the Eleanora napping in the afternoons for so long (which I DO NOT want to interrupt), we've not been doing them much.

I get dinner on the table (which Gabe has pre-made) by 6pm exactly because I can't wait a minute longer, and Evie and I sit down to eat.  I'm usually holding Eleanora at this point because she gets a little fussy by herself so late in the day.  I have an app on my phone where I can track where Gabe is, but I try not to incessantly check it because I don't want to be disappointed if he is far away.  When he gets home, he is quick to offer to take the baby or help with Evie or give me a break, whichever is most needed.  

We manage to get through dinner and clean up a little and let Evie play a little until her bath time, 7pm.  It's pretty much always a struggle now to get her to put away toys and pick out her clothes and get in the tub.  I'm constantly trying to figure out why this is so hard and if it's something we need to approach differently or just accept.  I don't have that answer yet.  

We bathe both girls (if it's Eleanora's night, since we just do her bath every other day), and we all go into the girls' room (which is really just Evie's room now) and read stories and say goodnight.  She usually goes down well and may lay there for a little while before going to sleep.  Sometimes she gets up to potty or get a drink, but those things don't bother me too much because she doesn't do it over and over again.  Then I go back to our room and nurse Eleanora and put her down, usually by 7:45, even though she often wakes up again an hour later to nurse again and goes back to sleep for good around 8:30.  We're working on getting her to bed earlier now.

Then it is truly my time.  Approximately 13 hours after being "on" I finally get to have me time.  It feels like hardly anything, though, because I like to be in bed before 10pm. I try to squeeze in some kind of gratuitous exercise, but I usually just have energy to do a few strength training exercises, and not a whole DVD or a run like I used to.  I haven't run in a very long time.  Then I take a bath (10 whole minutes), which I never used to do, but I am now hooked on them and it is one of my favorite parts of my day. I usually watch something on my phone while I'm in the tub (currently it's Game of Thrones, all 3 seasons for the 2nd time).  I've only dropped my phone in the water once :).

That's about it.  Gabe and I occasionally watch shows that we've recorded.  Right now it's usually New Girl, The Mindy Project, and Downton Abbey.  We've decided to be adventurous lately and start having a date night in, which means we watch an actual movie after both girls are down and I let myself have an indulgent dessert.  Yep, that's the sad extent of our date nights these days, but that's okay with us.

So there is my exciting daily routine.  It feels messy and complicated right now, and I keep waiting for it to get smoother and more predictable.  And to an extent, I'm sure it will.  But I'm starting to realize that it may never be as neat and clean as I want it to, so I am continually trying to remind myself to be better at just rolling with things.  Hopefully I'll look back on this one day and be proud that I was trying my best during a challenging time.