To Eleanora on Your 4th Birthday

Dear Eleanora,

Our little unicorn at her birthday party.

We celebrated your 4th birthday this weekend with a unicorn party! You chose this theme a couple months ago and stuck with it, just like you chose your chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and didn't entertain any other ideas. That is something we are learning about you - you know what you want and you take a stand on it. The confidence you possess is foreign to me, but I fully enjoy watching it emerge. And even though you know yourself well and are very assertive, you are still shy in social situations, and you sometimes rely on me, Papa, or Evie to be with you or help you when there are lots of people around. Your ideas about how big you are are kept in check by the reality that you're just coming out of toddler-hood. We had a small party this year (a first!), and at first you really wanted Evie to commit to playing with you, as you often do when friends or cousins are around. You use your charm and tilt your head down, look up with a little pout on your face, and continually beg her to play with you. (Meanwhile, she was so excited the days before the party and on the day of that she was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, so it's no wonder you wanted to more assurance from her). But alas, as cousins and friends filled the house, you all found your stride, and everyone played together most of the time. You and Charlotte B. walked around holding hands much of the time. We also had you open presents while everyone was there, which we usually don't do because there are so many people. You were pretty uncomfortable about having everyone watch you, even though it was our closest family and friends around. It reminded me that, even though you're very social, you like for interactions to be on your terms. Just like when you ask me to play during the time when you're out of school and Evie is still in school - you make up a game and dictate the whole thing to me while I nod and follow along.

You are not a rule-lover in the same way that Evie is. In fact, you are wonderful at challenging the rules. Sometimes Papa and I have to give in because your reasoning is either so beyond your years or so hilarious that we can't help but let you win. You like to make up new ways to play games like Memory or Sequence (that may or may not make any sense). You question why things should be the way they are, often over and over again, which can be both maddening and inspiring. You are assertive and you're not afraid to add your own input, and these qualities will serve you well in life.

You are learning more about social interactions every day. You pick up on phrases you hear either among peers or from shows you watch, and hearing you try these phrases out is one of the highlights of my days. You often don't use them accurately, or you choose bits and pieces of them, but nonetheless, you say them with gusto. One of my favorites lately is when you don't like something I tell you (usually a rule you don't want to follow), you say, with perfect intonation and your hands on your hips, "you don't know everything about me!" You've learned that this is something you can say back to someone to challenge them, but it's not quite the right context. I try to stifle my laugh in these situations, but sometimes Evie and I will look at each other and laugh when you do this, and she'll whisper to me, "she's so cute!"

You are still the best cuddler in the world. This is something you've forced us to accept. You prefer to sit on my lap if I read a story, and if we're playing a game on the floor, you scoot over so that your whole body is leaning over mine. You still come into our bed every night and claim your space between me and Papa (although now that you have a twin bed, sometimes Papa will switch places with you so we can all sleep a little better). You still ask for huggies a lot, and I am aware that this request may not continue for all that much longer. When you hug, you prefer to either be picked up or to come on my lap and wrap all your limbs around me. I love these precious moments. Most of the time. Sometimes the warmth and love I feel when you wrap your body around me in whatever way you can clashes with my desire to own my own space and have a say over who is part of it. When you get upset or tired or anxious you want to be really close to me, and sometimes it feels like too much. I'm sure some day I'll look back and wonder how I could have ever felt like it was too much.

Holding on to me after she fell asleep on the way to a restaurant.

Stealthily taking up most of Papa's space.

You love to laugh. You engage others in your antics so that you can get them to laugh, too. You are carefree and spirited in your play, and you love to run around screaming and giggling with friends. You don't overthink things and you move on if something isn't working out (another opposite quality to Evie). You started really riding your balance bike around this time last year (although we introduced it an entire year before that, but you weren't interested until you were interested). You caught on quickly and pushed and glided along so fast we couldn't figure out how you were staying balanced. But you were determined to keep up with Evie on her pedal bike, and we could see the freedom you felt being able to ride in your own way.

This is a typical scenario - Evie doing the most work.

Swings have always been a favorite too (as have fancy dresses)!

You are charming and you know how to connect with people when you want to. You are in your second year of dance class, and you surprised us in the recital this past June by being completely in the moment with your dancing and your expression as you performed the sweet little ballet routine to the Tale as Old as Time song. I was sitting next to Tita Lee and Grandma in the audience, and we were all silently weeping at how beautiful it was to watch you. As Papa would say, you have natural charisma.

Her first dance recital costume.

Taking advantage of the reading nook.

You are your own person in school, too. This year you started a new class at a new campus, and you are holding your own just fine. You have made a few friends that you excitedly tell stories about on the way home, and you seem to enjoy learning. In fact, you surprised me by recently starting to read! You have always been a bit more attracted to books than Evie was at your age, but I thought we had another year or so before you started reading. You see Evie with her readers from school, and you think there is no reason you shouldn't be able to do the same thing. You picked up a couple of her Bob books (very basic readers), and you started putting letters and sounds together and finally making words. You love to practice writing, too, and have finally gotten that "E" in your name down to three horizontal lines instead of 6 or more, like when you first started writing it.

Not everything is so rosy. You occasionally still have intense meltdowns, but usually these are when you've woken up disoriented or you're over tired and can't cope with a rule you don't like. You also are very persistent in asking for things you like, especially sweets. You ask for a treat after each meal, even though you know these are limited. You and sissy fight a lot, and you and she often have equal parts in getting there. You have been known to hit or kick when you don't like something someone tells you, but these instances have waned (for the most part).

These are not the things I think of when I envision you, though. When I think of you, I see a lively, smiling, bright little girl who can be as fierce as she is warm. You steal our hearts every day. I love watching you grow each year, but for now, I am happy that you've just turned four.

At school, proudly carrying the Earth around the sun four times, for each year of her life.