I am approximately 5 weeks pregnant today. We had been trying on an off since September (mostly off), and I wasn't sure it was going to happen this time. I sure take a while to get positive pregnancy tests (and I start testing way too early!). I got a positive test on one brand (digital Clear Blue Easy) before any others showed up, and I tried 3 or 4 other brands. This was pretty confusing, and it continued for a few days, so I went to the doctor to get a blood test because I feared I was having a chemical pregnancy (in which the process is successful enough to get you a positive pregnancy test, but then something doesn't go quite right and it is not viable, so you end up basically having a late period). The "pee" test at the doctor's office was positive, which was a bit of a relief, but then I had to wait 3 days for the blood test to come back. I looked back at my chart from my pregnancy with Evie, and I realized that I didn't get a positive pregnancy test with her until 14 days past ovulation, and I wasn't even at that point yet. So after waiting a couple more days and still not getting the call back from the doctor's office, I took another home pregnancy test, and it was clearly positive! I was so excited as this definitely meant my hcg levels were rising. This time it was 15 days past ovulation, for the record. The next day I got a call from the doctor's office saying the blood test was positive, at a level of 64, which was about 3-4 weeks pregnant (and I was probably about 4). So it was on the lower side, but not so much that I worried about it.
Now I have SO long to wait to see if this is viable, but I'm just sort of assuming it will be so that I don't stress myself out. I've already been stressed out more than I should be - partly about the questionable pregnancy status for about a week, and partly about whether or not I'm in the best health to be pregnant. After my eczema flare up last summer, I never quite got back to normal, but almost. I've recently stopped a couple unhealthy habits that may have been contributing to it, and I went back to the doctor who seemed to help me the most (an MD with holistic approaches). He was familiar with a genetic condition I have - an MTHFR polymorphism - which means my body doesn't really transform folate to a usable form, which can cause a lot of problems, especially with the immune system. It can also cause miscarriages, which was the only thing I really understood about it before, but the immune system thing is probably much bigger than I realized. Dr. David adjusted some of my supplements so that I was taking activated forms of folate (folinic acid and methyl folate), and also starting methyl B12 injections. I do these every three days and inject myself (which I think is kind of fun :)). I've only had 2 so far, and it may be in my head, but it seems like I felt better after them. My skin felt better, and my energy and mood was a little better. It's supposed to take time to build your stores up, but I am very hopeful about this and I've read of many others using this treatment with a lot of success. I read a little about how this condition can affect children if it is passed on to them, and I started worrying about Evie. Some of it was about how autism is more common in children with this condition, but so far we haven't seen any signs of that with Evie. Plus, I don't even know that I've passed the mutation on to her - there is a 50/50 chance.
I had also had some allergy testing when I was going through all my stomach tests (which basically amounted to nothing), and out of about 12 foods that were tested, I was positive for all but one (fish)! I only have reactions to a couple of the foods, so it's a bit confusing as to why I was positive for so many, and doctors don't seem to really know that or be able to explain it because it happens all the time. Dr. David suggested that I not eat gluten during pregnancy because of a study that showed a link between schizophrenia in babies whose mothers were gluten-sensitive and consumed gluten during pregnancy. Well, if this is true, Evie is screwed. He also suggested that I not eat (as much as possible) any of the foods I tested positive for because little is known about how they affect the fetus. This part stressed me out. I tested positive for corn, soy, wheat, dairy, sesame, nuts, shellfish, and a few others I'm forgetting. It would be so stressful to avoid those things completely during pregnancy. And since there is no known correlation between eating them and the condition of the infant, I think I'm going to have to go with eating them. It will be enough of a challenge to avoid gluten completely.
Because of these things, I went through about a week of feeling like maybe I just shouldn't be making babies - it felt like it was possible I was causing more harm than good. However, we look at Evie and see only wonderful things. And she doesn't seem to have the same problems with asthma and eczema that I did. So far she hasn't reacted to any foods (although I haven't given her nuts that I'm allergic to). I guess only time will tell about schizophrenia, but the study hasn't been replicated and it was only about a quarter of the participants who showed the correlation. I can't change my life just because of that (right?).
I haven't really felt many symptoms yet, which I think is normal, because last time it wasn't until about 6-7 weeks that I started getting undeniable food aversions, nausea, exhaustion, an eczema flare-up, and a general feeling of ickiness. I have felt mild cramping pretty much every day since I tested positive, I've had a couple small bouts of nausea, I've been dizzy and exhausted, and I keep getting mild colds/sinus infections, so those things may well be related to pregnancy. My midwife group doesn't do early testing for hormone levels, even with patients with history of miscarriage (which is pretty much standard everywhere else), so I have to wait until the end of February to go in and get an exam and hear the heartbeat. I made one feeble attempt to see a new OB group, but they were booked until March, so I gave up after that. I don't know if it's worth hunting down a new practitioner just for this when I can just wait and see. I'm sort of hoping that more symptoms show up soon so that I feel more sure about what's going on. But that will be hard with Evie - she seems to need a lot of attention right now, and the one day I felt crappy and didn't do my best parenting, I think she reacted by being extra defiant and going on a potty strike. She adamantly refused to go on the potty, or would go and then say strongly that she didn't have to pee, and then soon afterward pee in her pants. I made the mistake of trying even harder to get her to do it, and that made her more defiant. She is very strong willed, and I have to remember that I will never win by pushing her in situations like that. Today has been a little better.
It's pretty easy to stay busy this time around, whereas last time I had so much time to think about being pregnant each day. I still think about it a lot, but I also think I will feel differently if the pregnancy ends early. We already have a beautiful daughter, and given the challenges of staying pregnant, I'm not sure it would be worth it to keep trying. I would, however, strongly consider adoption. I have to sort out a lot of feelings about that first and determine what that would really mean for our family, but it would be an option.
For now, I'm trying to find ways to relax and find peace with myself, and trust that my body is fully capable of returning to good health. My due date is October 5th, so I'm envisioning a healthy pregnancy all the way there!
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